Perception Check (Explicit)

Perception Check - Tom Cardy
On the horizon of this forest path
You see a group of dark-cloaked figures
Slowly trudging towards you what do you do
My half-orc barbarian braces her great hammer and
That's a one
Critical fail Steve what do you do
Well I believe in anticipation
My rogue would try and hide behind a tree
Okay I rolled a one
That's another critical fail
Tom what does your human bard do
Active perception check
That's a natural 20
Let's ******* go
I feel it in my fingers I feel it in my toes
These ************* mean to harm us and they got to go
So c'mon get 'em now
You picked the wrong day to **** around
With my tight crew ooh ooh
There's no escaping it I can perceive you
Here's what we're gonna do
Me and my boys are gonna mess you up
I rolled a one I rolled a one
F***
My boys are otherwise engaged
So I'm gonna bring it all myself
Hey I forgot you're supposed to tell me
What I see right
Yes thank you let's just slow it all down a bit
So you notice that one of the hooded figures
Is a little shorter
I cast vicious mockery
Nat 20 let's go
You're a short ************ and nobody likes you
Short
Everybody says look how ******* short that guy is
And that stops you from forming meaningful relationships
And when you were born everybody thought that
You were just a head
But then the doctor said wait
This stupid ************* tiny short-arse baby
Got a tiny little itty-bitty body and I hate it
Your attack lands and absolutely shatters
The mind of the cloaked figure
Perception check please
Nat 20 let's go
You perceive the figure was so short because
It was a child it's always a kid
Specifically the child
You've been looking for for the last 15 days game-time
And five days of our actual lives
Okay I'm sorry I didn't know I'll be better
F*** his body's just lying there right
Right
Yes don't
Loot that body gotta loot that body now
Loot that body gotta loot that ************
Playing my flute when I loot that dead
Kid's body