Grubby

up the stairwell
chip fat grey, and london green with damp
out on the fifth floor, where the wind grips your jaw
and holds you in its clamp
there's a red door, bordered by mottled glass
and inside, a lighted lamp
pius live here
pius is tired, but can't sleep, she twitches, wired
she lies beside a sleeping body, a girl she barely knows
she met her in the pub, and it went the way it goes, the girl's name is rose
but pius is lovesick for her thorne
she left her in the summer
and since then, pius can't get warm
she's carried her stuck in her side since the day that she was born
she dreamed of her and knew her shape long before she saw her form
well, it's 04:18
and pius has been staring at the blinds for hours
she tells herself it's all her fault
she doesn't love, she just devours
can't sleep, so much to do
tryna get closer to you, and you're so far away
tryna get hold of what's true, and what's true isn't true when it's day
tell me, how can i sleep? got so much to do
i'm trying to get closer to you, and you're so far away
all that i say and i do are things that you do and you say
how come i'm becoming the one that i'm running from?
hunted by, slurring my words in the pub, feeling nervous and overexcited
arms 'round the waist of a girl who might make it alright for a night
yeah, she takes me to places, then i lie beside of her, wake while she sleeps
and i feel much closer to you than i felt
when you were still here, spill beer till you reappear
i'm thinking of you
and the things you do to me
i'm thinking of you
and the things you do to me
pain in my liver, okay, shame
so much shame, can't bear my frame, can't bear your name, okay
can't bear this game, let's play, new rules, old rituals
guilt trip, heartstrings snap, want to, can't go back, too much
not enough, i can't get your claws out my gut
i'm thinking of you
and the things you do to me
i'm thinking of you
and the things you do to me
this is my mind, get out of it
you didn't want it, how come you're still hanging around in it?
this is my body, let go of it
you didn't want it, how come you're still f**king controlling it?
this is my night, get lost in it
this is my bridge, stop crossing it
this is my face, stop smiling
this is my space, you've been gone so long
how come i still find you hiding?
fighting me, i'm fighting my darkest parts
i'm fighting nighatmres tied to my hands 'round my own throat
'cause you're the snake charmer and i'm the old rope
no hope, just go, now, please just leave
still in the air that i breathe, i'm stranded
arms outstretched from my body, anybody
here's a body, but i wake up and i can't stand them
i feel so grubby
don't want, can't stop, just love me
breath like a cigarette stubbed in the gutter
come close, no, wait, don't touch me, i'm ugly
pushing for a phonecall, beep beep
looking through names for the one that feels most dangerous
i can't believe you're in love again
i can't open my heart to anybody but strangers
i鈥檓 thinking of you
and the things you do to me
i'm thinking of you
and the things you do to me
i'm thinking of you
and the things you do to me
i'm thinking of you
and the things you do to me