Selfish (Explicit)

What if I'm selfish?
What if I'm the reason behind it?
What if I'm overprotective with family because of how mine is?
What if I'm jealous?
Maybe that's what's making me nervous
What if my effort of pulling you close are pushing you further?
What if I'm selfish?
What if the reason they call me "The Greatest"
Is also the reason that me and you livin' on different pages?
What if I'm too much?
What if I settled and I didn't fight?
What if my fear of doing it wrong's the reason
I haven't been doing it right?
What if I'm selfish?
What if the kids just wanna be kids
And don't wanna live in and out of the news and chill
And don't even wanna be rich?
And what if I'm so self-centred that
I don't even realise what I could miss?
And what if I'm what if I'm fallin' in the abyss?
Maybe it's
What if I'm
Yeah
Maybe it's dark maybe it's day maybe it's too many nights in L.A.
Look at the house in Surrey and still
All of the feelings we hid in the Hills
Maybe it's you maybe it's me maybe the media or the provoking
Gave you my heart I laid it bare funny you went and you poked it
What if it's better with me out the way?
What if it's better with me out the
Like what if it's better with me out the way?
What if I'm poison?
What if I'm cancer?
What if I'm dangerous and I'm wild?
Look in my eyes you're seein' a child
What if he's broken?
What if he's scared?
What if he's ostracised and vilified?
See peace is just an illusion
Ain't got a home I live in confusion
What if I'm selfish?
Forever forever forever
I manage the symptoms forever
You can love how you want
I know to give is no loss
Can you settle for second?
Let go of your idea of heaven?
I know it's a lot
But it might be all that I've got
I wanna throw myself in
Snap off the mask
I want a clown that sings
And a love that lasts
I wanna escape the wedding
Go with you to the carriage
I wanna give you my life
Or at least something to cherish
But what if I'm selfish?
I done a lot of things to regret
Like announcin' our split on a text
Don't know why but I still buy gifts for my ex
Watchin' her stories to see if she checks
I'm a mess I don't know if my head's in the game
She told me don't mention her name I'm suggestin' the same
I'ma get through the pain wanna see the sunshine
Gotta get through the rain
Bag full of trauma I left on the train
I'm ashamed for the days that I said that I changed
I'm a cheat sat in a therapist chair
Cryin' like a baby in the middle of a Harley Street
Like I'm fightin' this sickness that I can't beat I'm disloyal
And then I go mad reflection tellin' me I'm just my dad
And this white woman tellin' me it ain't so bad
Middle of my sentence she cut me off like
"Sorry David we don't have any more time
"Your appointment till 4 and it's 3:55"
Bruh I feel like she wouldn't even care if I died
Man tried all this therapy **** man tried all this therapy ****
Bruh I know wouldn't even say I'm depressed
But I'm low in the Grosvenor Casino in Edgware Road
I've got too many sins to atone and a voice in my head
Like at this point like
At this point where you should've been rich like
At this point where you should've had kids like
At this point should've built you a life like
Look around you don't you feel you're behind? Like
Look around you don't you feel you're behind? Like
Look around you don't you feel like like
What if I never find love?
Don't know if it's scarier
The thought of us two together or bein' alone
I'm so used to bein' alone
What if I'm somebody nobody wants?
What if I'm damaged or what if waited too long
And have mould on me?
What if I'm cold on me?
What if I cut off the hand that I hold on me?
What if I'm rapidly spiralin' and tired and jaded?
Or what if I'm faded?
Or what if anxiety's growin' inside me
That I might have left all my best years behind me?
Or what if I'm scared as I touch twenty-seven
That you don't appear in my idea of heaven?
Or what if I'm what if I'm
What if I'm selfish?