Gaston (From "Beauty and the Beast"/Soundtrack Version)

Gosh it disturbs me to see you Gaston
Looking so down in the dumps
Every guy here'd love to be you Gaston
Even when taking your lumps
There's no man in town as admired as you
You're everyone's favorite guy
Everyone's awed and inspired by you
And it's not very hard to see why
No one's slick as Gaston
No one's quick as Gaston
No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston
For there's no man in town half as manly
Perfect a pure paragon
You can ask any Tom Dick or Stanley
And they'll tell you whose team they'd prefer to be on
Who plays darts like Gaston
Who breaks hearts like Gaston
Who's much more than the sum of his parts like Gaston
As a specimen yes I'm intimidating
My what a guy that Gaston
I needed encouragement
Thank you LeFou
Well there's no one as easy to bolster as you
Too much
Yep
No one fights like Gaston
Douses lights like Gaston
In a wrestling match nobody bites like Gaston
When I hunt I sneak up with my quiver
And beasts of the field say a prayer
First I carefully aim for the liver
Then I shoot from behind
Is that fair
I don't care
No one hits like Gaston
Matches wits like Gaston
In a spitting match nobody spits like Gaston
I'm especially good at expectorating
Ten points for Gaston
When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs
Every morning to help me get large
And now that I'm grown I eat five dozen eggs
So I'm roughly the size of a barge
Who has brains like Gaston
Entertains like Gaston
Who can make up these endless refrains like Gaston
I use antlers in all of my decorating
Say it again
Who's a man among men
Who's the super success
Don't you know
Can't you guess
Ask his fans and his five hangers-on
There's just one guy in town
Who's got all of it down
And his name's GAST
I believe there's another T
It just occurred to me that I'm illiterate
And I've never actually had to spell it out loud before
Gaston