All I Ever Am

I think too much of all that's gone
Of how it was before my thoughts
Obsessed with choices made for sure
In ignorance of history and consequence
As more and more I misremember hopelessly
The way love turned out every time was never quite enough
I lose all my life like this
Reflecting time and memories
And all for fear of what I'll find if I just stop
And empty out my mind
Of all the ghosts and all the dreams
All I hold to in belief
That all I ever am is somehow never quite all I am now
I think too much of all to come
Of how it will be after I give up
My weary dance with age and resignation moves me slow
Toward a dark and empty stage
Where I can sing of all I know
The way love turns out every time will never be enough
I waste all my world like this
Intending time and memories
And all for fear of what I'll find if I just stop
And empty out my mind
Of all the ghosts and all the dreams
All I hold to in belief
That all I ever am is somehow never quite all I am now
And all for fear of what I'll find if I just stop