the grudge

I have nightmares each week 'bout that Friday in May
One phone call from you and my entire world was changed
Trust that you betrayed confusion that still lingers
Took everything I loved and crushed it in between your fingers
And I doubt you ever think about the damage that you did
But I hold onto every detail like my life depends on it
My undying love now I hold it like a grudge
And I hear your voice every time that I think I'm not enough
And I try to be tough but I wanna scream
How could anybody do the things you did so easily
And I say I don't care I say that I'm fine
But you know I can't let it go
I've tried I've tried I've tried for so long
It takes strength to forgive but I don't feel strong
The arguments that I've won against you in my head
In the shower in the car and in the mirror before bed
Yeah I'm so tough when I'm alone and I make you feel so guilty
And I fantasize about a time you're a little ******* sorry
And I try to understand why you would do this all to me
You must be insecure you must be so unhappy
And I know in my heart hurt people hurt people
And we both drew blood but man those cuts were never equal
And I try to be tough but I wanna scream
How could anybody do the things you did so easily
And I say I don't care I say that I'm fine
But you know I can't let it go
I've tried I've tried I've tried for so long
It takes strength to forgive but I don't feel strong
Ooh do you think I deserved it all
Ooh your flowers filled with vitriol
You built me up to watch me fall
You have everything and you still want more
I try to be tough I try to be mean
But even after all this you're still everything to me
And I know you don't care I guess that that's fine
But you know I can't let it go
I've tried I've tried I've tried for so long
It takes strength to forgive but I'm not quite sure I'm there yet
It takes strength to forgive but