been on my mind (Explicit)

These girls hop around like it’s double dutch
Wine in my cup, sizing em up, where is the love
Reaching for air
Suffocated by trust issues this ***t isn't fair
I played by the rules and got clipped on the air
I showed you i cared
I was really there
Helped you more than i thought i would dare
I was dealing with my ***t but then i canceled it
Answered every phone call
You don‘t know the half of it
Never told you cuz i know your thoughts snowball
I tried to be a good guy but all i got was cut throat
I stopped everything
I stopped making beats and chasing dreams
So i could help you chase your dreams
Funny how that ***t turned quick to a nightmare
Ex girl on my mind
Thousand yard stare
Out of the war but i smell blood in the air
PTSD close my eyes i see you there
Impaired
Stumbling on my feet
I don't normally get like this especially during the week
But i been holding onto words i know it’s hard to believe
You lost yourself awhile back and found yourself in me
Then i was your source of happiness
And that’s how we lose cuz then
When i was hurt you were hurt but you were hurting me
Complicated ***t that we waded through
Young kids in love feels like murder in the 3rd degree
Yea, swear i wish i could give you more
Insecure beautiful girls hard to adore
I tried to give you everything from every single pore
But it was hard for me to open up
Like a locked door i was shut from the moment we kissed
I was already shut before the day that we made love at my crib
I’m sorry, i just been through it all before
Been watching my parents go through it since i was four
Yea
And now im lonely in the aftermath
Sleep with random girls just so i can avoid the heart attacks
Still can’t believe you gave me backlash after everything you said
What a mismatch
Yeah
But whatever i know it’s hard for you
I guess when people lie to themselves they lie to you too
***t’s gonna be hard to undo
But **** it