Hey I Don't Work Here (Explicit)

Hey I Don't Work Here - Tom Cardy
Saturday morning comes and goes
Without too much on my mind
Except maybe lunch
I walk down to the shops just to move
Feel a bit rough from last night
I may have drunk a bit too much
A lady in the supermarket approaches way too fast
And her eyes are intense and she spits
A little bit when she asks
Where do you keep the pasta
I dunno aisle three
Well can you get it for me
I just want a Gatorade but she rolls her eyes
So I kind of lose it
Hey I don't work here
And if I did I would not sell you ****
Hey I don't work here
But maybe I should
That way I could hide all of the things
You want from you
Hey I don't work here
But if I did
Would I be wearing a dirty white singlet
Ya fool
Hey I don't work here
But maybe I should
Silly me I've had the pasta all along
**** you
Saturday arvo comes and goes and
I'm feelin' pretty great
I made a middle-aged woman cry today
Walkin' on the hot sand of Bondi Beach
I take a rest in the lifeguard tower shade
My foresight readies me for melee
A man runs from the surf and approaches way too fast
With a bluebottle across his chest
He shakes me as he asks
You've gotta save my kid
I can't really swim
What kind of lifeguard are you then
I'm just here to take a nap
But he rolls his eyes so I kind of snap
Hey I don't work here
And if I did I would not save your kid
Hey I don't work here
But maybe I should
That way I could help relieve
That nasty sting for you
Hey I don't work here
But if I did
Would I make a racecar out of sand
Then fall asleep
Hey I don't work here
But maybe I should maybe I should maybe I should
Should do what
Save my son
No get a job
What about my son
He's drowning
Your son's fine he just swims weird
And you shouldn't hold that against him
Oh my God thank you I can't begin to
He's gone
Saturday night comes and goes without too much on my mind
Just kickin' a ball down the street
I give it too much juice and it flies over
The fence of my local NASA compound
Just bear with me
Guards are all passed out
It seems there's been a planned attack
The alarm is blaring loud but I'm the only one intact
I try to phone for help but unfortunately
There's an alien transmitting itself
To NASA's screens specifically
Give us your planet
Okay I don't let me find someone alright just relax
Give us your planet
I I I said okay
We're under attack
Give us your planet
Okay I don't have the authority to do that
I just came to get my ball
But it's been a long day
So I speak for us all
Ladies and gentlemen we are reporting live across the globe
Alarming news as extraterrestrial life has issued
A statement of war to Planet Earth war
The alien transmission technology has left all
But one individual incapacitated within
The transmission receiving point
A NASA space compound located in
Sydney Australia Australia
The time has come and humankind can do nothing
More than pray and watch on
As the diplomat for Planet Earth responds
With what we can only imagine
As an articulate plea for peace and mercy
Hey I don't work here
And if I did
I would not surrender ****
Hey I don't work here
But maybe I should
That way I could take a trip to Mars
And strangle you
Hey I don't work here
But if I did
Do you think the President of Earth has a ******* mullet
Hey I don't work here
But maybe I should
That way I could put my planetary fist in you
That way I could teach your kid
To drown in front of you
That way I could hide all of the linguine from you