Survivor's Guilt (Explicit)

Fall too far to be wise and I know that I try but I-
Fall too far to be wise and I know that I try but I-
Look
Look, let me show you behind the scene
Behind the glitz and the glamour and all the lights you see
Behind the rumours on the life I lead
Let me talk to the people like it's the mic in me
The truth is I got really bad anxiety
I'm on the motorway, cryin' in the driver's seat
I don't even know where I'm goin'
I got love, but I don't know how to show it, is this life?
When you feel like givin' up, know you're close
I been sayin' the least and knowin' the most
I've had ups and downs, but the highest of the highs
Never last for as long as the lowest of lows
Survivor's guilt
I feel the worst at my happiest
'Cause I miss all my niggas that couldn't be in this life I built
But that's the type of shit that only I can feel
Gettin' me in the mood
My ex has got ivory skin
Which is funny 'cause it's really the elephant in the room
Is that enough reason to bury me in a tomb?
I fell in love with an Albanian, I know it's mad
We're not together, 'cause her family would hold us back
I saw the red flags, I wouldn't want my child to grow in that
Rum and Red Bull, it's a culture clash (Fuckin' hell)
I don't wanna let life tear us apart
I see the Internet gossip and it wears on my heart
I fuck with her, she was there from the start
I'm seein' them laugh at me, cah I'm vulnerable
Ain't that the shit that rappers' supposed to do?
I'd rather rap about arguin' with my girl than fuckin' your girl
But I don't mind, because the both are true
Ignorin' my messages, these times I know she on her—
Worst part is I wouldn't even do the same
Hate it or love it, you gotta charge it to the game
(Gotta charge it to the)
Heavy is the head, but don't play with my heart
I feel like a footballer when I'm makin' my art
Through ball, how I'm managin' the weight of the past
I felt so much pain that I got favorite scars
And my house got wings like my favorite cars
And the milly rock my favorite dance
You can call it what you want it, but I got it off of takin' a chance
I didn't take an advance
Fame comes with a price, you can't pay in advance
For six long years, I've been playin' my part
Like a freak in a circus when they're makin' them dance
I got nights where it's light and I got days where it's dark
And the waters that I swim in, it ain't safe for the sharks
He a gangster, but the stress gonna take him apart
I'm with the niggas that I claimed from the start
I see you niggas changin', they didn't make it
It's a shame it takes fallin' to your death
For a person to appreciate fully the gravity of the situation
But that's just irony at its finest
Black women, I just wanna say I'm sorry
I done a lot of dumb shit, I won't lie to you
I wanna be a voice for you, be a light for you
I know I haven't done enough, I wanna try for you
Wanna be on the frontline for you
Campaign for you, make change for you
I just wanna help in any way
Bein' genuine, I think about it every day
Tour life, travellin' every day
Nerves paralysing when you get to stage
You feel love for an hour, and then it gets to fade
Imagine what that does to your mental state
Imagine bein' a millionaire at a tender age
You don't even know whether to spend or save
My mum had to grow up fast, she expects the same
I was twenty with a mortgage and rent to pay
So what's happenin'? I got guerillas all around me, allow me
Don't get grabbed in a party or lackin'
You'll die for a whine like Joffrey Baratheon
Pattern 'em
The government ain't gonna help with all the issues that I'm tacklin'
The way you talk about politics is bafflin'
I wouldn't even trust my own shadow in a cabinet
Cabbin’ it can't drive no more
I been lookin' for the answers, sure that I'll find 'em
I don't judge an accent but the story behind it
We all know loss, but there's glory behind it
I'ma make a film for my mom
And tell her, "Tell to the world this album is just the soundtrack"
Look at her story in a year in her life
And tell me if it doesn't bring a fuckin' tear to your eyes
In this together
I thought wishin' wouldn't hurt, but take it over
I’m done holdin’ at your lies
So knowin' that it weren’t for any one thing
You know you love fast and I know you want to stay
In the clouds, my head’s sippin' up
Let the other try, said I don’t wanna try
I thought wishin' wouldn't hurt, but take it over
I’m done holdin’ at your lies
So knowin' that it weren’t for any one thing
You know you love fast and I know you want to stay
In the clouds, my head’s sippin' up
Let the other try, I don’t wanna try
What I realised
What I realised 'bout who I am
Is that, you're kinda taught
You're taught to die for what you stand for, you feel me?
But I realise I'm here to live for what I stand for
'Cause I wanna see it, bro, I wanna enjoy it, bro
I wanna see what I feel, like I am, you know what I'm sayin'?
Out there, while I'm here, and that's that, bro
But, yeah, link up soon my guy, you know how it is